Yeah, things get pretty quiet at Future Threat around this time, usually in anticipation of THS Awareness month, but I’m not campaigning against That House Syndrome this year.
But, let’s not get into that. Instead, let’s talk about Nicholas Cage. Somehow, he became Stallone. Where I use to watch Stallone flicks for the giddy commitment to insanity, Cage now walks. Consider this trailer for a new film featuring Cage:
“Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims. And especially do not trust Sarah Miller. For all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.”
It’s the end of October. I have the Omen to watch and I just feel like posting these words of wisdom:
There has been too much violence, too much pain. None here are without sin. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me the pump, the oil, the gasoline, and the whole compound, and I’ll spare your lives. Just walk away. I will give you safe passage in the Wasteland. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.
–Lord Humongous
8: Man of the People
When I was young, I suffered lots of migraines. Now, I know you’ve seen commercials for this or that brand of pain reliever’s migraine strength product. If you can actually get those products to work, lucky you. They didn’t exist in my younger days and they don’t do much to help me now. I simply have to suffer a migraine. If you’ve never had one, let me give you an idea of what one is like.
It generally starts when you wake up. You’ll sit there with your cup of coffee and a bagel or something when you noticed you can’t actually see the cup anymore. It’s been replaced by those floating things you see when you’re trying to go to sleep. Well, except for one difference: it’s really thick. So, you start blinking to get rid of the pea soup growing on your eyes. If you’re lucky, you lose your peripheral vision in your left eye. If you’re like me, you lose sigh entirely. About a half hour after that, the pain really starts.
This is intense pain. It isn’t like that pressure that builds up over your eyes when you can’t take ragweed. This is the head in the vice and a taffy pull at once. This is such a startling and rocking pain that all you can do is yell … because you can’t quite believe that this is actually happening. Your perception of the world changes and your face is strapped to a twenty ton weight. Oh, yeah, one more precious gift from that stage-light makes it worse! All you can do is lay down and try to go to sleep, but by this point your eyes are bloodshot with tears and your stomach is in knots, but evening crying about the pain in your gut makes it feel worse. So, you lay back, trying to remain perfectly still when the gastro-intestinal fluids start bubbling up.
So you’re laying there and you feel a mouthful of spit fill up, you swallow it and realize that it’s not spit … it’s stomach acid. So, while still dizzy and off balance from the pain in your skull, you stumble and run to the nearest toilet, sink, or bed that isn’t yours and puke.
I don’t mean a little upset tummy, I mean you let go of all the contents of your stomach … it just keeps coming worse than any binge night you’ve ever had, at least you fall asleep and forget that. This vomit you have to remember. So you kneel at the porcelain god for something on the order of ten minutes losing that bagel and coffee you had earlier … there’s nothing left in your stomach to come out … so you head back to bed. Read More…
Michael Caine is the star of “Get Carter” and “Jaws IV: the Revenge.” He made a video on acting that became something a fascination for Conan O’Brien and Howard Stern back in the 1990s. Here’s the best known clip from that tape:
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